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Saturday, May 16th 2009

11:04 AM

My Distraction

  • Quote of the Day: "If it's him who I end up with in the end, then all the shit that I've been through would be worth it." - Justice I. Diva

The week started on a pleasant note. I got great vibes, things seemed to be going in a positive direction, and it appeared as though everything was working in my favor, including "enchanting my distraction."
 
But, then, by midweek, the positive energy that I was feeling and experiencing evaporated into thin air! It was weird.  Several  
opportunities surfaced that would have allowed me to open up and and dazzle my "distraction" but I struck out each time.   I couldn't believe it.  Its easy for me to strike up a conversation with anyone, including my "distraction" but when I had the chance to do it, I literally froze. I said nothing.  It was like my tongue was paralyzed or something.  I even called out for my guardian angels, but i think they were on vacation because I continued to strike out, one after the other.   
 
Then, Friday came. When I woke up in the morning, I was determined to have the best day ever. I dressed really cute, I had great hair day, and I prayed good things for EVERYONE, and not just myself.  But, whatever it was from the previous day still lingered.  I got lured into an ugly argument with the bitch (a middle-aged woman who hates me), then, I was overwhelmed with emotion that came from every direction. 
 
As a result of everything, I was overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions that actually made me physically sick.  I puked my guts out several times, I generated a fever of one-hundred and two, and I left for home at lunchtime.  
 
To make matters worse, with my eyes red, bloodshot and teary-eyed, there was my distraction. Right there! I pretended that I didn't see him because the last thing I needed was my distraction to see me in the poor shape that I was in.  He only saw me once with tears in my eyes a few months ago after I was bullied by someone and something. The  concern in his eyes that one time just melted my  heart.  In any case, I didn't want that to acknowledge his presence because unlike last time when I was able to turn it around and make it seem like nothing was wrong,  I didn't have the strength to do that.  I didn't want to clam up and say nothing like I did at every chance I had Thursday,  so I looked straight ahead, didn't look back, and disappeared through the doors leading to the stairwell.   My heart dropped to my stomach because I struck out AGAIN!
 
Then, what happened next and last was very strange. With the way I was feeling, and being between floors 3 and 2 on foot in the stairwell, there was Sookie, one of our very own sweet TAs.  This is what she said to me:

"Justice Diva. You are so beautiful.  I've been wanting to say that to you.  I don't know what it is, but lately, these passed days and weeks, you have been EXTRA BEAUTIFUL!  I don't know what it is, but I had to tell you."
 

What was that? Of course, I thanked her for the compliment and said that was the sweetest, best, and most incredible thing that anyone has said to me this entire year! By the time I reached the parking log, I was so overwhelmed by emotion that I bowed my head and cried. I was happy, I was flattered, I was confounded, but I was also sad because whatever it was that Sookie saw in me, made me think,  but why can't he see it too, or does he?

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